If You Go to a Spring Football Game You Are a Loser

It’s that time of the year again. The snow starts melting. The birds soar back to the North. The leaves start to bud. You know what that means? Baseball? Nope. College football spring scrimmages.

If you go to a spring football game then you are a loser. Period. There is only one exception for someone to go to spring game; that is, if you have a son playing. That is it. Parents only. The crowds should be 100 people max, maybe slightly more if a player has a few step dads or moms.

Unfortunately people are dumb. Especially in the South and Columbus, Ohio.

Today was Clemson’s spring game. There were a reported 50,000 people there. 50,000 people who woke up this morning and went to a stadium to see third stringers not allowed to touch Deshaun Watson. They spent roughly three hours of their Saturday watching practice.

Last year, Alabama SOLD OUT their spring game. So too did Ohio State. This is embarrassing. Now, let me go check how Michigan State’s spring game turned out.

-B Prime Minister

Hamburger Helper drops new mixtape

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I’m not gonna lie, this mixtape is straight fire. I’m not exactly sure if this is the new age in 2016 where shitty packed pasta drops straight heat on the internet, but if it is I love it.

I would love nothing more in my life than to have a mixtape war between Hamburger Helper and Maruchan Ramen Noodles. Actually, I think I need it.

Sneaky unreal that Hamburger Helper is still in business, haven’t met anybody who’s eaten that shit in maybe 7 years. Gonna have to start buying if that means more mixtapes though

 

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-Brogy

Winged Wheel FTL(W)

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Let’s get it. All day. That’s what we do.

In their biggest game of the year, the Wings clutched up, didn’t back down, played inspired, and only lost by a mere one goal.

Luckily, the Bruins were hilarious for their final two periods and got smoked by the eliminated (like all Canadian teams) Senators. Also, nobody cares if most players are from Canada. Their teams are very bad.

The results give the Red Wings a postseason birth for the 25th consecutive year. THE 25th CONSECUTIVE YEAR. The next most in the NHL is only 10. MoTown, all day. The last time the Wings didn’t make the playoffs I was half a sperm and half an egg (-3 years old).

Never been happier with a Red Wings loss. Just get in, baby.

Now we face the free-falling Tampa Bay Lightning in the first round for the second-straight season. Last year the Wings choked away a 3-2 series lead and lost to the eventual Eastern Conference Champion. Not gonna happen this year. Wings in 7. ZERO pressure.

Either way, it will be nice to see more octopuses fly onto the Joe Lewis ice in April. By the way, it’s a tradition that started in 1952 to signify the 8 playoff wins it used to take to win the cup. Now it’s 16, so two octopuses should suffice.

It’s playoff time, Detroit. This is what we do.

-B Prime Minister

Brogy’s DraftKings picks of the day- MLB

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Pitchers-

 Carlos Martinez- 10,000: Probably going to have a high own % going against the Braves and I don’t necessarily love the price- but the options are pretty limited tonight for someone who can make a splash.

Drew Smyly- 9,500: Again, I think the price seems a little bit high but he’s pitched pretty well against the Orioles and they won’t have Adam Jones in the middle of the lineup tonight.

VALUES:

Bartolo Colon- 6,100

Doug Fister- 5,800

Hitters-

OF Matt Kemp- 5,200: Coming off a huge game and he’s facing De La Rosa at Coors Field where he has teed off in his career, almost a must have in the lineup tonight.

3B Matt Carpenter- 4,100: Carpenter is off to a slow start this season just like the rest of the Cardinals team, he’s facing Teheran and the Braves, no better time to break a cold streak than against the Braves.

SS Trevor Story- 3,900: Who cares if he’s going to have a ridiculously high ownership, take him while he’s still a STEAL. Don’t miss out on the cheap bat against a bad left handed pitcher.

OF Mike Trout- 5,000: Trout has gotten off to a terrible start as well and I’m not saying he’s going to have a breakout game against Cole Hamles, but I’m not, not saying it.

1B Prince Fielder- 4,200: Another guy who hasn’t started off real hot, but he’s still producing fantasy wise , averaging 8 FPPG. He’s faced Richards a lot and could easily go yard.

VALUES

OF Mark Trumbo- 3,900

1B/3B Tyler White- 3,400

2B/SS Aledmys Diaz- 2,900

OF Michael Conforto- 3,500

-BROGY

 

Pablo Sandoval’s belt EXPLODES

At this point we all know Pablo Sandoval is just a hilarious fat fuck who’s devouring the rest of his 100 million dollar contract with the Red Sox. After being benched for Travis Shaw, Pablo made his first start of the year today. How did it go?

He broke his fucking belt just from swinging in his first at bat of the game. He ended up striking out 3 times and also made an error.

Nice job Pablo, never change.

-Brogy