So next week Timmy Tebow is going to be working out for more than 20 MLB teams to showcase his baseball skills. Let me start by saying this: no way you can sign Tim Tebow, you just can’t. Look, I’m a Tebow guy, I loved him Denver. I was pumped as a Pats fan when we signed him. I even went to one of his guest sermons a few months ago and that’s a true story.
You just can’t sign this guy though. I mean look at that fucking swing. It’s horrible. I can GUARANTEE you that I could zing a 77 mph fastball up and in right by him, never mind guys that are throwing 94-95 with filthy breaking balls. He hasn’t played in a dozen years, he’s fucking done. He has a swing that was literally built perfectly for the 80’s and 90’s where he could take steroids though. I actually don’t think any MLB team will sign him, but if you’re a gamblin man like me- here are the top 5 teams I think that would take a risk signing him.
#5 New York Yankees- 50/1
I would give them a little better odds if they weren’t technically still in the Wild Card race but you just never know with these fucking bastards. I mean would anybody be that surprised if they just offered him an 8 year deal worth $200 million right on the spot? He just turned 29 so they would have him until he’s like 37, sounds like a deal right up the Yankees alley.
#4 Miami Marlins- 35/1
Hell, if he was Cuban the Marlins would probably already have him out at first base hitting right behind Ichiro. Tebow is a Florida boy so he’s popular in the area, and there’s no doubt he would put some asses in the seats. The other problem is similar to the Yankees- they’re way too close to a playoff spot to do anything stupid like adding a former washed up quarterback.
#3 Oakland Athletics- 20/1
The A’s are a team that alway scares me when they trade for someone or sign somebody. Every single time they make a move I always think “What the fuck is Billy Beane up to?” and usually his signings turn out. Maybe not so much the last two years but I always know that fucker has something up his sleeve. If they snag Tebow I’m getting in a Tebow for MVP bet at 1000 to 1 real quick.
#2 Atlanta Braves- 10/1
The Braves signing Tim Tebow actually almost makes too much sense for them not to do it. This is the money bet right here. As a former Heisman trophy winner at Florida, Tebow would be thrust right back into the middle of SEC country. Not only that but they’re team is fucking shitty and nobody comes to their games. Adding Tebow would certainly add some electricity into that city. One of the biggest problems is that they have a group of young players that will be coming up in the next year or two. Obviously Tebow takes playing time from those guys and no sane GM would let that happen.
#1 Tampa Bay Rays- 3/1
All signs point to the Rays being the team that should take the risk on signing Timmy. I’ve already pointed out that he’s a Florida boy from Ponte Vedra which is about 200 miles northeast of St. Petersburg, making it the closest MLB team from Tebow’s family. St. Petersburg is only about 2 1/2 hours south of Gainesville, where he obviously dominated in college. It’s a Tebow hotbed. Not only that but the Rays are absolutely horrible and show no signs of not being horrible for quite a few years. They have spots in the outfield, first base or DH that he could take without taking time away from valuable players. They also are last in baseball in attendance and apparel sales, which Tebow would certainly help with. The only setback is that the team is so cheap with money, that they might not even want to spend the minimum contract on signing him.
Time will tell, hope you make it Tim.