Caution: Don’t Dance By The Pool

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Famed Olympian, liar, and Milo Yiannopoulos hair double Ryan Lochte is possibly going to appear on Dancing With The Stars, as reported by Bleacher Report.

You may know the idiot as a slow-speeched story fabricator, or as a gold medal toting champ, but we’re all wondering why this of all career choices. Sure, he may want the money after losing sponsors like Ralph Lauren related to the fake robbery story in Rio. I got that. But is he THAT desperate? Other famous athletes like Kristi Yamaguchi, Meryl Davis, and Shawn Johnson, and Misty May Treanor, but all of those were at or near retirement. Lochte may have another Olympic season or two under his belt so I don’t get it.

How good will he do anyway? If you want to know, athletes have won the show 8 of 22 times. 4 of those times have been from Olympians who compete heavily on their feet with choreography and quick movements., automatically giving them the edge. Others athletes like Monica Seles and Martina Navratilova have crashed out of the competition in the first week. There’s also the matter of injuries, which happen alot on the show. Does he want to possibly risk his swimming career by dancing on a show? Withdrawals have happened by both the pros and contestants and it’s a sad sight for all fans.

Who knows, only time will tell if he goes on the show. He won’t have my vote though.

-The Irishman

Apparently Billy Butler is a Weird Dude

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http://www.sfgate.com/athletics/article/A-s-clubhouse-fight-Danny-Valencia-Billy-9177957.php

One of the more underrated stories of the past week continues to entertain. Billy Butler and Danny Valencia brawling in the Oakland Athletics clubhouse. The motivation for the players is fantastic:

“A team manager told Valencia he could not wear his favorite cleats because they are an off-brand and not supported by the Oakland Athletics Baseball Club. To which Valencia responded, ‘I only wear them during BP.'”

Butler then lurked from the corner of the clubhouse, after eavesdropping, and screamed, “NO HE DOESN’T! HE WEARS THEM IN GAMES!!!!”

Country Breakfast is the moral police of the Athletics, holding all players accountable for what their favorite cleats are. Of course, Valencia grew angry at Butler for trying to get involved. Nobody likes that guy who intervenes for no reason, and that’s what Butler did.

Why would Butler ever care what cleats Valencia wears? Maybe he should focus on his sub-.200 BA instead. I love picturing Butler during a game just staring at Valencia, focusing on his off-brand cleats and shaking his head in anger.

Don’t you dare wear the wrong cleats in front of Country Breakfast.

In any case, Moneyball is dead. The A’s are dead. Bury them. And I’m not talking about this season, I am talking about for the next several seasons.

At least they gave us a pretty good movie.

 

P.S. Bennett Miller’s next movie is an adaptation of A Christmas Carol. Kinda disappointed but I dig him nonetheless.

-B

Playing odds for which idiotic MLB GM offers Tim Tebow a contract

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So next week Timmy Tebow is going to be working out for more than 20 MLB teams to showcase his baseball skills. Let me start by saying this: no way you can sign Tim Tebow, you just can’t. Look, I’m a Tebow guy, I loved him Denver. I was pumped as a Pats fan when we signed him. I even went to one of his guest sermons a few months ago and that’s a true story.

 

 

You just can’t sign this guy though. I mean look at that fucking swing. It’s horrible. I can GUARANTEE you that I could zing a 77 mph fastball up and in right by him, never mind guys that are throwing 94-95 with filthy breaking balls. He hasn’t played in a dozen years, he’s fucking done. He has a swing that was literally built perfectly for the 80’s and 90’s where he could take steroids though. I actually don’t think any MLB team will sign him, but if you’re a gamblin man like me- here are the top 5 teams I think that would take a risk signing him.

#5 New York Yankees- 50/1

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I would give them a little better odds if they weren’t technically still in the Wild Card race but you just never know with these fucking bastards. I mean would anybody be that surprised if they just offered him an 8 year deal worth $200 million right on the spot? He just turned 29 so they would have him until he’s like 37, sounds like a deal right up the Yankees alley.

#4 Miami Marlins- 35/1

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Hell, if he was Cuban the Marlins would probably already have him out at first base hitting right behind Ichiro. Tebow is a Florida boy so he’s popular in the area, and there’s no doubt he would put some asses in the seats. The other problem is similar to the Yankees- they’re way too close to a playoff spot to do anything stupid like adding a former washed up quarterback.

#3 Oakland Athletics- 20/1

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The A’s are a team that alway scares me when they trade for someone or sign somebody. Every single time they make a move I always think “What the fuck is Billy Beane up to?” and usually his signings turn out. Maybe not so much the last two years but I always know that fucker has something up his sleeve. If they snag Tebow I’m getting in a Tebow for MVP bet at 1000 to 1 real quick.

#2 Atlanta Braves- 10/1

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The Braves signing Tim Tebow actually almost makes too much sense for them not to do it. This is the money bet right here. As a former Heisman trophy winner at Florida, Tebow would be thrust right back into the middle of SEC country. Not only that but they’re team is fucking shitty and nobody comes to their games. Adding Tebow would certainly add some electricity into that city. One of the biggest problems is that they have a group of young players that will be coming up in the next year or two. Obviously Tebow takes playing time from those guys and no sane GM would let that happen.

#1 Tampa Bay Rays- 3/1

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All signs point to the Rays being the team that should take the risk on signing Timmy. I’ve already pointed out that he’s a Florida boy from Ponte Vedra which is about 200 miles northeast of St. Petersburg, making it the closest MLB team from Tebow’s family. St. Petersburg is only about 2 1/2 hours south of Gainesville, where he obviously dominated in college. It’s a Tebow hotbed. Not only that but the Rays are absolutely horrible and show no signs of not being horrible for quite a few years. They have spots in the outfield, first base or DH that he could take without taking time away from valuable players. They also are last in baseball in attendance and apparel sales, which Tebow would certainly help with. The only setback is that the team is so cheap with money, that they might not even want to spend the minimum contract on signing him.

Time will tell, hope you make it Tim.

Huge ass snakeskin found in Maine

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Nope, no thank you. Want nothing to do with this country if that thing is slithering around. I’m not a snake guy, everybody knows that. If I meet a snake guy, or meet somebody who owns a snake I immediately put them in my freak file and never speak to them again.

This is exactly what Australia is for. For years we’ve been able to laugh at the fact that they have millions of creepy 30 foot snakes lurking around their uninhabited land just waiting to suffocate people.

Fuck snakes and fuck people who like snakes.

God Lets America Know Trump Will Win Presidency

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“A bystander in Chicago snapped a photo of what appears to be Donald Trump’s profile in the shape of a cloud. Do you see it?” – Fox 22 Chicago

No duh I see it. Only a moron couldn’t see that that is Donald J. Trump. Clear as day. Only a bigger moron doesn’t realize that this means Trump will be our next president. Mark it down. I might drive to Vegas quick and drop $200 on Donny Boy. Forget polls, logic, data, Trump is going to win. If I’m a Trump guy like the Rabbi or Peter Jerome Amirata, I am going NUTS right now. Our dude is going to win. God said so.

-B

From Fortune To Flounder: 2016’s Biggest Bust

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Oh how the good ol’ days are gone. Just forget my first post about my favorite team. Our season is over. The White Sox were second in all of baseball at 23-10 back in May (only trailing their crosstown rivals), but where are they now? A paltry 59-64. There have still been a few highlights in this dumpster fire of a season, but here are some of the worst moments this season so far, from a quick scan at least.

Chris Sale’s Antics

Everyone expected great things from this guy. He consistently ranks high in Cy Young Award voting, has made the All-Star team the last five years, and set a franchise record for strikeouts in a season last year. But while he started the season 9-0, it’s been the drama around him that’s caught more attention at times. Preseason when Adam Laroche quit after management said he couldn’t bring his son into the clubhouse anymore, Sale was one of the ones most pissed off. Months later, you probably heard about when he sliced up the throwback jersey and got suspended. Let’s just hope the presumed face of the franchise can keep it together here on out.

The Quintana Who Cried Run Support

Oh Jose, you’re too good for us. Often called the most underrated pitcher in the game, he just cant seem to get the offense going behind him. Mind you, this is also the first season he could even get to 10 wins. Somehow though the bats still always stay quiet when he’s on the mound and it’s hard to watch him either lose or get a no-decision when his stuff is that good.

#FireRobin

Not even explaining this one. Ask any Sox fan. We hate him.

Abreu Baby

Kinda going back to the point made with Quintana, Jose has been in his own offensive slump. He went 32 games without hitting a homer, after hitting 30+ in each of his first two seasons. Nobody knows what went wrong. But he’s back at it now. Every player has those off years anyway.

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That’s really just the big four glaring parts to me, because i can’t even begin to complain about the bullpen and injuries. But hey, we’ve at least gotten a few triple plays, that counts for something, right? No? Ok.

Just leave me to my sorrow now. There’s always next year.

-The Irishman

My Request on Donald Trump

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“They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people,” denounced Trump at a press conference, where he talked about illegal immigration and his candidacy for president in the 2016 race.

Ever since this monumental announcement, Trump has been one of the main talking points in the media cycle almost everyday.

At first, I had mixed feelings about Trump on whether his campaign was going to be just a silly publicity stunt , or if he was running because he actually cared about turning the country around.

The first major issue Trump addressed was illegal immigration, where he proposed his wall at the southern border.

Initially, the whole idea of an actual wall being built seemed unrealistic, but from a strategic standpoint, it was extremely clever because it captured a tremendous amount of media attention away from the crowded field of other Republicans. In other words, it got people talking about Trump and illegal immigration, not the other candidates.

As the months progressed, I began to understand Trump’s message, and he continuously grew as my favorable choice over other candidates in the race.

Aside from being a mogul celebrity TV star, Trump stood out in so many more ways. Most notably, he was the only candidate not funding his campaign by special interests and donors, which control so much of today’s politics; just look at who was funding the other Republican candidates campaign’s, or Wall Street’s favorite, Hillary Clinton.

From Trump’s unorthodox communication skills, to his formidable demeanor, Trump has  unquestionably been a breath of fresh air in the growingly mundane political arena.

On the other hand, one of Trump’s major weaknesses has been his unfiltered responses to people that have attacked him.

For example, he told Senator McCain that he “only likes war hero that weren’t captured.”

These comments are certainly part of the reason why other top GOP figures like Mitt Romney and Jeb Bush have failed to endorse him to this day.

That being said, this outlandish behavior is the direct reason why so many people support him. 

People are sick of traditional politicians smiling and lying directly to the faces of millions, while taking bribes and manipulating the system underneath the table.

What have the orthodox Republican establishment done for the American People, especially in the last two years when they’ve had control of both the House and Senate? It is if both top Republican and Democrat leaders have created an elite group for themselves to do whatever they want in Washington.

What was revealed by ‘Wikileaks’ in the Democratic National Committee’s emails could not offer a more perfect illustration of the problem. In a nutshell, the DNC and Hillary Clinton’s staffers were working together, while mocking Sanders’ heritage and abusing their financial power, so that there was no way he could be the nominee. Put differently, Sanders could have won almost every state and wouldn’t have even had a shot; every American, regardless of political affiliation, should be disappointed and outraged.

You might think Trump is on a self-destruct course, but look beyond Washington and listen to the masses; no modern day presidential candidate has even come close to achieving what he has.

Yes, he’s an egomaniac and crude, but at this point, I really don’t care because our politicians have failed us and nobody seems to work well together. Most sitting Republicans are two-faced and we have a rampant illegal immigration problem.

Our country has become chained to political correctness, and our own ruthless enemies across the glove are making fun of us for our weak leadership.

We are becoming a nation of victims, where every person belongs to a special group, and not united like we should be as a collective group of Americans.

Trump may not be a saint, or the candidate that many people originally wanted to be president; he’s the man we need.

Trump has really hyped up his expectations, but as president, I truly believe that he is just too much of an egotist to be proven wrong or looked at and called a liar.

Shockingly, if Hillary wins in November, either a Bush or Clinton will have been in the oval office for 24 out of the last 32 years.

I don’t care if I’m just another person supporting the billionaire that’s saying whatever he wants to on a national stage; I’m an ordinary American that wants to give him a shot.

-Peter J. Amirata