We finally had enough. Lawd Jesus Yes!!!!! After going 0-4 this year and 79-104 in his career on the team, he’s being designated, a term which roughly means “you suck ass and you’re done” in the baseball world. The picture above actually symbolizes his career as a whole: that glare like “wtf did I just do? god this didn’t go well.” But here goes, 3 reasons why I’m glad this guy is pretty much done.

1-He hasn’t had a winning season since 2010

As a pitcher your job is to not let guys score and hopefully not even let anyone get on base, reducing the workload on the fielders. Very few have had perfect games, and not many more get no-hitters, so that’s all the credit I can give hime. This dumbass has a 23-60 since the same year, 2010. If you lose, your team loses.

2-He hasn’t had an ERA below 4.00 since 2010

Something more concerning than his win count is his earned run average. If you allow guys to score and your team doesn’t have the offense (something the Sox didn’t have in 2015 especially) to make up for your poor outing then go the hell away bro. He’s averaged earned runs in the 4.70 range the last three seasons and that’s simply unacceptable when the team as a whole finished well below .500 on the season in each year.

3-He has a hot wife and enough money to live off of

Danks is married to hot country music star Ashley Monroe, who I mostly know from the Blake Shelton song Lonely Tonight. And sadly he’s taking the $14million of his contract he’s owed this year. We could have gotten Cespedes with that money combined with what we saved from the Laroche retirement, and fellow Gardens member Rabbi wouldn’t have been happy.

So goodbye you overrated, money wasting, bum shoulder washup. You won’t be missed.


-The Irishman

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