So we’re less than a week away from Thrones S6, it’s time to power rank the top 10 living characters in the show. All the losers, all the dweebs, all the deadbeats who don’t even watch the show love to criticize it for killing too many people. Fuck em. Thats part of the beauty of Thrones is that you never ever know who’s going next.
The one thing that does piss me off is not knowing if a character is dead or alive. I’m not talking Jon Snow, us smart guys all know he’s alive and well but what about The Hound? What about Syria Forel? What about Xaro? What the fuck are they up to!
Honorable Mention: Jaime Lannister, Hodor, The Hound (Would be in if confirmed alive), Arya Stark, Gregor Clegane, Dario Naharis, Podtrick Payne, Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun, Tormund, Jon Snow (Would be if confirmed alive)
#10 Brienne of Tarth
Loyalty, Honor, Respect. The bitch knows one way and one way only. Little bit over dramatic at times but that’s cool because she’s just out here protecting her dick off (she has to have a dick). Seems like everybody she protects she doesn’t get nearly the respect she deserves and that aint right. C’mon RR, write her in a girlfriend or something for god sakes. Have some damn respect.
#9 Samwell Tarly
Sam is one of those guys who is just everybody friend. When he lost his virginity, I wanted to hop right in the screen and give him a hug. I waited so long for this man to lose his virginity, I couldn’t have been happier for him. Of course he fell in love with Gilly though. Classic slut with a kid who is taking advantage of a nice guy just to get a place to stay. Pisses me off.
#8 Tyene Sand
WOW. What the fuck George why are you just bringing her out in Season 5? This is the kind of bad bitch I need in my life. She’s absolutely my frontrunner for character who will jump most in next years Thrones power rankings. Completely smokeshow who isn’t afraid to poison people and show us her knockers while doing so. The complete trifecta. Need more Tyene and I needed it yesterday.
#7 Lord Varys
One of those characters I might get some shit for putting up here but don’t currrrr. I’ve been a ride or die Varys guy since Day 1. That’s the truth. I love how sneaky he is, it’s completely insane. The dude lives to sneak. He’s a sneakaholic. In fact it’s his job, which is maybe the greatest job ever. Just sneak around and gossip to people. Even though he’s a complete sparrow, you have to respect the hustle. Plus what he did with Tyrion last season to get him out of King’s Landing is a Grade A power move, I didn’t know he had that in him.
Dragon was maybe the most mystifying character up until the last episode. Didn’t know if he was an asshole, didn’t know if he was a dragon doing dragon things. Turns out it was the latter. I’m a big dragon guy and it’s pretty clear who’s got the big dragon dick in Westeros. I said it in my last Thrones blog, that gif of Dragon swinging his dragon dick over the Dothraki was maybe the best gif I’ve ever seen in my life. Anytime he comes on screen it’s completely electricity and that’s what I love. He brings the kind of heat that only a fire breathing dragon can bring.
#5 Night’s King
This. Fucking Guy. I’ve never been more scared of a character without knowing who the hell is, more than him. He can’t speak but when he lifts his arm directing the White Walkers to charge- I lose it every time. This is somebody who has already died and has nothing left to live for except kill everyone. Night’s King is only in the show to do 2 things: chew bubblegum and fuck everybody up- and he’s all out of bubblegum.
#4 Beric Dondarrion
Anybody who literally cannot die is someone you need to be friends with. Beric is the kind of guy I need to be friends with just so I can tell him to do stupid shit when we’re drinking. Like “Yo Beric, go jump off the top of this building. You can’t die what’s the worst that will happen? Lose your other eye?”. The only thing more savage than not being able to die is literally wanting to die and not being able. I almost feel bad for him at this point, guy would just love to kill himself and be done with everything. Until you find out a way, keep doing you man.
#3 Daenerys Targaryen
Bae. Honestly from the first time that she dropped her clothes I knew that I was in love forever. She is literally the hottest character in the history of television or film and that’s just a fact. Even though she’s become kind of a bitch over the past season, you have to look past that and realize that bae is gonna do what bae wants to do. Watch over little dick Baratheon, there’s a new queen coming for the Iron Throne.
Ps. You know how many arguments I’ve had to hear from idiots who think Emilia Clarke is hotter with brown hair? Unreal. She’s so hot with blonde hair I almost faint every time.
Nobody gives less fucks than this drunk bastard and that’s what makes Bronn, Bronn. Throughout the seasons, he literally hasn’t changed one bit and that’s why we love him. Complete badass that shouldn’t be nearly as good at fighting as he is for being an old drunk dude but I love it. Was a little rattled when he got caught off guard and got poisoned by Tyene but bewbs right? Bronn loves himself 3 things: Brews, Bewbs and Blood.
#1 Tyrion Lannister
An obvious no brainer at the top of the list, Tyrion is the greatest character not only in Game of Thrones but in television history. A hilarious, bad ass, midget who gets more ass in a week than you and I will get in a lifetime. Not to mention that he does it all while being an alcoholic. But that’s just how he rolls. I mean, the dude literally killed his dad on the shitter, that’s a savage move like you read about. He definitely got the short (no pun intended) end of the stick in terms of the Lannister dynasty. Guy clearly should have been ruling over King’s Landing but it looks like he’s going to have to do it the hard way, by training a dragon and teaming up with Daenerys.
If Tyrion ends up hooking up with Daenerys is that the number 1 upset of the century? Has to be. Don’t care if he’s hooked up with every other chick in Westeros- if this midget can score some ass with the future Queen and hottest chick alive, that’s a downright upset. Like a 16 over a 1 seed. I’m rooting for you Tyrion.