Lions, And Tigers, And Bears. Oh My! (Where Are They Now?)

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Lions, and tigers, and bears have come a long way since The Wizard of Oz. So let’s take a look at where they are now.

Lions:

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Sports: The Detroit Lions are 0-2 in Wildcard games this decade, and the most news they’ve made is that their star player is retiring. Nice.

News: The only lion related news over the past week is that a Photographer shot a photo of two male lions mating. Not sure what the release of a gay sex tape will do to the lion’s image. Either way, gay-rights activities are using it as a tool to support the natural image of homosexuality, and I love it. Think it’s the most entertaining way to support gay people.

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Movies: The Lion King is the best Disney movie, but that was back in the 90’s. What have lions done for me lately? Narnia? Liam Neeson’s voice can only keep you rolling for so long. The mascot of MGM better step it up and quick.

What’s Next: The african lion is thought to face extinction by 2050… If lions wanna see Donald Trump break all the rules in office and make it though his 8th-term as president, they will need to turn it around. It also doesn’t help that there are mad dentists out there forking out thousands of dollars to hunt them. Not cool dentists.

Tigers:

Sports: While Tiger Woods is on a downslope, over the past decade the Detroit Tigers have made post season appearances 5/10 times and made the world series twice. Not to mention the BCS bowl has had four tiger teams in the last ten years. It’s safe to say tigers pulled away from the lions and bears in sports.

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News: While the striped animal can claim athletic victory over his predator counterparts, their lives and reputations outside the ball park has been anything but positive. Listen, I’m such a tiger guy, but in the very home city of The Gardens this week, Palm Beach zoo keeper Stacey Konwiser was murdered by a tiger. Not a good look.

Movies: Life of Pi was great. Gotta be happy to see tigers riding out their fame in that movie. Although I’m very disappointed with Jungle Book, tigers don’t disappoint in many of their movies. They are usually a hit and for good reasons.

What’s Next: Tigers will bounce back. Always have, always will. Look for tigers to make a strong playoff push and even stronger zoo attraction this year. Gotta take zookeeper off the menu though.

Bears:

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Sports: The Chicago Bears have been disappointing lately; everyone knows it. Bruins heartbreakingly missed the playoffs, both Cali and Baylor flopped in the tournament, and the grizzlies are going to get smoked by the spurs in their series. Not a year for the bear.

News: It has popped up in the Florida news that a service dog was recently killed trying to fend off a bear. Being gay or eating a few zoo keepers is certainly frowned upon, but eating a service dog may be the worst news to have pop up on your record. Florida went bananas by reacting the only way Florida knew how. In June, there will be a vote to decide whether or not the state will hold the second bear hunt in several decades. I’m fairly disappointed there was a first one and I wasn’t around to report the chaos.

Movies: Bears are fun to watch in movies. Bears are usually the responsible animal in film, but it’s good to see Ted appeal to a more liberal audience.

What’s Next: While I’m a tiger guy myself, I’m assuming that bears will be in the news again soon. They’re overpopulated apparently, and not every species can brag about that. It seems like every day you hear about some new animal is going down fast. Not the bears. Bears going strong. Good luck in June bears. Good luck.

 

-The Tender

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