So in a strange turn of events, I will be heading to Tropicana Field solo today and will be snacking my brains out. Everybody knows that the Trop is the worst venue in all of sports and the Rays suck so I really don’t even want to watch the game, so I’m just going to eat.
I’ve been to 21 MLB parks now so I thought I would give my thoughts. This is a power ranking of the 5 best, weird food you can get at an MLB park.
#5 The Schmitter (Cheesesteak with salami)- Citizens Bank Park, Philadelphia PA
Look, I’m not of those cheesesteak hardos like everyone from Philly, so when I hear about an appealing cheesesteak, I’m going to eat it. This sandwich does not disappoint at all although I do think it would be be better on a long roll.
Overall, I’m not a big time salami guy but it mixes well in this sandwich.
#4 Sausage Poutine- Rogers Centre, Toronto ON
I will never understand Canadian people if we are being honest. Most of them are just on another planet and poutine is a perfect example. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a Canadian person say “America isn’t ready for poutine”. What the fuck does that even mean? It’s food. Now I’m sneaky nervous though. Is it going to be just pure chaos when poutine comes to America? People jumping out of building left and right?
I almost didn’t want to order this because Canadian people are just such fucking dweebs when it comes to their poutine, but I did anyways. And it’s really good. Just don’t be so weird about your god damn gravy fries, okay Canada?
#3 Chesapeake Fries (Crab dip)- Oriole Park at Camden Yards, Baltimore MD
Maryland is another place that is filled with some of the weirdest people on earth. They only love three things: their state flag, the Ravens and crabs (and riots). Maryland weirdos will do ANYTHING to incorporate crabs and Old Bay seasoning in any food they can find but these are actually solid.
Everybody knows that waffle fries are the #1 type of a fry, so it already starts off with a great base. The crab dip and Old Bay compliment very well. It’s perfect food to discuss Ray Lewis’ innocence and Joe Flacco’s eliteness over while O’s fans catch their first baseball game since 2002.
#2 Rocky Mountain Oysters (Bulls Testicles)- Coors Field, Denver CO
It takes a certain kind of savage and the right mind set to go into a baseball park and order bulls testicles, but you have to. I’m not out here trying to be the guy bragging and being a hardo about bulls testicles- it’s just good food. Fried and chewy, kind of like an actual fried oyster.
People from out west, and I’m talking Colorado, Utah, Wyoming, Idaho west not California and Arizona are the biggest savages out there. They love crazy shit and I love it. Bulls nuts ftw.
#1 Pulled Pork Parfait- Miller Park, Milwaukee WI
This is such a typical Midwesterner idea and it’s unbelievable. It’s called pulled pork, potatoes, baked beans. LOVE IT. I’m the kind of guy who goes to KFC and gets the famous bowl so give me all my shit mixed in together and give it all to me.
I would prefer it not be called a parfait because I think about weird yogurt when I hear that word, but nonetheless it’s outstanding